idiot. Coors light and grilled meats. Donald Trump ignored this crisis, minimized it, and now capitalizes on it. He is a dangerous fraud.
2 points for each, what’s your score? I've seen a rich man beg I've seen a good man sin I've seen a tough man cry I've seen a loser win and a sad man grin I heard an honest man lie I've seen the good side of bad and the downside of up And everything between
I truly hope that someday Aaron Paul gets over playing Jesse Pinkman. For his own sake. I also hope that someday Rob Riggle finds another career. Like maybe mortgage banking? Just spitballing here
Celebrities: stop it. We’re serious.
Thinking about getting a twitter dirtbag left celebrity video together where we take “Wynona’s Big Brown Beaver” way too seriously, for the people
I used to have a great painting of Sasquatch surfing but sadly it was ruined in the great house fire of 2013
Our house is a gallery of amazing American art
This hangs in my downtown Phoenix office, I love true works of art
Can you imagine going through life and being serious all the time? What the fuck
Ok I’ll say it again, I shouldn’t buy art while drinking
Just realized I could drink booze and smoke Camels in the backyard and listen to Steely Dan every night even without a lockdown, is this what free will is like
People who refuse to wear masks (or wear them improperly) have this kind of energy. What point are you proving by screwing with Brad Hamilton? He’s just trying to do his job at All American Burger!
Like, EVERY STUDY concludes that masks work as long as many people wear them. They protect others, not you. Countries that have turned the tables on COVID have widespread mask use. It is LITERALLY the least you could do. If @dougducey won’t say it, I WILL. Wear one. Dammit.
Happy five month birthday, Kevin
Wear a mask in tight spaces, you assholes.
Shout out to the PGA Tour and @webbsimpson1 for coming back and immediately reminding me that gambling on golf is stupid.
Thanks everyone for your suggestions. Despite my visceral hatred of comic book movies I went with Meredith Quill’s playlist, she had good taste in smooth music before she birthed Chris Pratt.
It’s 106 degrees out but after working at the office since 5 this morning I’m still going to the backyard for happy hour. Opening up the floor to potential happy hour soundtracks, send links to Spotify playlists. Submissions close at 4:45. Godbless.
Hear me out: what if all the states did a gofundme to create some sort of centralized organization that could respond to national threats uniformly and without the states having to do it piecemeal
Don’t know why Doug Ducey is so reluctant to be seen with a mask on, I mean it can’t look any goofier than this
These celebrity videos are great reminders that most celebrities are just grown-up overdramatic theater dorks
It was six months ago that Trump said he’d be “looking very strongly at” toilets that need to be flushed 10-15 times; some brave reporter should ask him what progress he’s made
I have to stop drinking while shopping for fine art
Our great National Guard Troops who took care of the area around the White House could hardly believe how easy it was. “A walk in the park”, one said. The protesters, agitators, anarchists (ANTIFA), and others, were handled VERY easily by the Guard, D.C. Police, & S.S. GREAT JOB!
Our great BOATERS protecting the Potomac.
You should reconsider abbreviating the @SecretService “S.S.” The @nytimes reports the @NationalGuard cracked down on mostly peaceful protestors to head off you deploying active duty military against Americans:
Crazy right!?! I mean, it's almost as if those people (or was it "thugs" that you called them?) weren't there to destroy, but to protest. ... and maybe to pray at a church?
maybe a good time to spell out "secret service". just sayin
Can check @HalfAcreBeer
Very much considering a Herb Alpert & The Tijuana Brass night in the backyard, we ask for privacy at this difficult time
Do Hennessy at liquor stores next
IMPORTANT KEVIN UPDATE: tomorrow is his five month birthday and his utter contempt for me has never been more palpable
Thanks everyone for sending me articles about the COVID-19 numbers skyrocketing here in Arizona. Be assured that I’m safely drinking heavy pour cocktails while chain smoking heaters in triple digit heat in my backyard. Doing it for our collective health.
Technically the confederates lost in a championship game so we should ship their statues to Haiti
Also Spike Lee’s “Da 5 Bloods” releases Friday on Netflix and that looks really really good. Thankful we’re getting new movies considering I was about to watch the series run of “Night Court” for the fifth time.
I absolutely do not understand the appeal of Pete Davidson but I have to admit The King of Staten Island looks really good
I bought Mike Pence a double donger three months ago. Feels like ten years.
RT @ClueHeywood: I bought one of those "white noise" machines and all it does is talk about its semester abroad.
Back to the Future created a new narrative where Marvin’s cousin Chuck Berry co-opted white culture instead, discuss
That said I spent 17 months backpacking the globe in 2000-01, I recognize my privilege at least
If you use the term “gap year” you’re privileged as shit
Because it makes them feel better about their own choices
Gonna do another Boys and Girls Clubs fundraiser in two weeks, still trying to figure out the really dumb stunt I do during it considering the virus situaish in Arizona, you guys.
Positivity tweet: Safeway booze prices have seemed to steadily drop over the last three months. Or maybe I’m just drinking gasoline now.
Look on the bright side of this pandemic: you’re no longer texting your exes late at night, you’re contact tracing
Big debate in my mentions on whether prominent Muppet musician Dr. Teeth would be a Trump supporter. Think about it: relentless self promoter, businessman, put his own name in front of The Electric Mayhem, gold here’s the question: who would Dr. Teeth vote for in 2020?
IMPORTANT KEVIN UPDATE: he unfortunately caught and killed a bird today, feels like he’s just training for the day he finally comes for me
RT @ClueHeywood: "Bulls on parade! dah duh dah dah duh" -late 30s me listening to XM in my car on the way to court to represent a bank wor…
Hey @RATM if I ever even go to one of your shows again you’d better leave the politics out of it, buster!
Listening to Rage Against the Machine in the backyard and by gosh some of these songs are kinda political
They found out I’m not going this year.
Here’s a list of muppets who I think would support Trump and why Sam Eagle (performative patriot) Miss Piggy (suburban authoritarian) Statler & Waldorf (old/cranky) Scooter (incel) Crazy Harry (crazy)
The Boys and Girls Clubs just sent out an emergency fundraising plea, they expect that school closings will mean the BGCMP will be the sole provider of meals and a safe environment for many kids in the coming weeks/months, here's their donation page.
If you’re wondering why the number is so odd, it’s because you idiots kept sending amounts ending in odd cents, mostly .69, and multiple people sent $9.11. I covered the 1% Venmo transfer fees so you should know 100% of your money goes to BGCMP, a 4 star Charity Navigator charity
I’m pleased to announce that the $3,746.78 donation to Boys & Girls Club of Metro Phoenix (@BGCMP) has been made. Receipts below. Thank you to everyone who made my first day back dive bar drinking a productive one for kids who need it the most. Sometimes this website is good!
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