It begins with me covered in sperm, trapped in my old man's balls. Then, suddenly... ESCAPE!
On #BatmanDay2019 I present my collage that I call the Bat Men I’ve Met! Keaton! Kilmer! West! Affleck! Bader! Conroy! Dark Knights all (and one Bright Knight)! Go hug your parents in Bruce Wayne’s honor and have a happy #BatmanDay!
Behold the final poster for #JayAndSilentBobReboot! Many thanks, @sabanfilms and @WEAREBOND for the crazy collage! Read all about it AND the new cities we’ve added to the Tour AND get your tickets to any Reboot screening at a theater near you right here:
SAN DIEGO! We’re gonna REBOOT the @SDBalboa on DECEMBER 4th! Get your tickets for this Whale’s Vagina screening of #JayAndSilentBobReboot (and any of the 62 live shows or the @fathomevents screenings) at!
5 YEARS AGO TODAY, @tuskthemovie was released into (mostly empty) theaters across the USA by @A24! To commemorate this day, @JoshRoush has uploaded a never-before-seen BTS documentary to my @YouTube channel called #WalrusYes! Watch it FREE here:
Publicist reached out to @firstwefeast already. Sadly, there was no interest...
On a technical level, this is an incredibly well-made PSA with riveting performances. On an emotional level, this is a devastating take on school shootings that ends so disturbingly, I had to text my 20 yr old kid to make sure she was okay. She is... And yet I’m still crying.
Last night, @JayMewes and I went to the premiere of the new @RobZombie flick #3FromHell and it was horror Heaven! This was 2 nights after I got to tell RZ that DEVIL’S REJECTS was a big influence on RED STATE. See it at the @fathomevents screenings TONIGHT and TOMORROW!
To be fair, I stole the idea from @Marvel in the first place, as all their comic book tales took place in a shared universe. So did most of the movies of John Hughes, who set his flicks in fictional Shermer, Illinois (the mythical metropolis Jay & Silent Bob looked for in DOGMA).
IN ONE MONTH! Come see the @fathomevents screening of #JayAndSilentBobReboot on OCTOBER 15th at a theater near you and get this cock-knockin’ poster FREE (while supplies last)! And the show on Oct 17th is a double feature with “J&SB Strike Back”! Tix here:
WOW! If you’re giving that away for free, how good is #JP3 gonna be?! Great job, @colintrevorrow! I love the new direction of Planet of the Apex Predators!
WOW! If you’re giving that away for free, how good is #JP3 gonna be?! Great job, man! I love the new direction of Planet of the Apex Predators!
This is my favorite piece of acting of all time. It’s from the Gary Marshall film NOTHING IN COMMON - a movie about a grown man dealing with his parents’ divorce. I already loved him since BOSOM BUDDIES, but this scene made me a @tomhanks fan for life. Still gives me goosebumps.
Thanks, @UppieDownie! If I ever got into the Library of Congress with CLERKS, I’d be like “I’m not even supposed to be here today!”
I’m sincerely sorry that my tame @MercyForAnimals Tweet triggered you, but how can you be this easily rattled by my story that had literally nothing to do with you? You weren’t addressed or asked to change; there was no attempt to recruit you. So FFS, why are you whining at me?
Had an excellent evening of activism at the @MercyForAnimals Gala! I met some amazing folks, but I felt *very* metal when I learned @RobZombie is a Vegan too! The man who sang “Dead I am the sky, watching angels cry! While they slowly turn, conquering the worm!” is plant-powered!
Dear @OriginalFunko: Am I eligible to win one as well? Just in time for #JayAndSilentBobReboot!
It goes beyond the poster: we even have a Captain Chaos homage in #JayAndSilentBobReboot! See our road movie in YOUR neck of the woods by grabbing tickets at
TONIGHT! I’ll be trying desperately to be funny amongst truly hilarious people on one of the stages at #Kaboo! Very afraid I’m gonna bomb on #FridayThe13th. Send positive vibes to Del Mar at 6:30, please! (Awesome Art by @DarkNateReturns!)
Wow! As a guy who actually worked at the Quick Stop in color, this is pretty close! My shirt is blue and black and my hair was a little darker, but that’s not a criticism - just color correction from an eyewitness to history. This rocks! Can you do Dante and Randal!
Looking for some titles of actual books that Jay and Silent Bob might wanna read. Can be vaguely dirty-sounding (as if they thought they were getting something else, a’la Moby Dick), weed themed (like Leaves of Grass) or Jersey themed (like Bruce’s bio Born to Run). ENGAGE!
My heart goes out to you @ZachByerly! I’m so sorry to hear about your Mother. Mourn her forever. We only get one Mom in this world and you got a great one. If you need anything, I’m here.
Here’s our silly-ass poster for our silly-ass movie #JayAndSilentBobReboot! Read all about it and the artist (plus see the new dates we’ve added to the #RebootRoadshow Tour) right here:
As a weekly watcher of @LastWeekTonight, I was delighted by their Chasing Amy joke. Such a trip to be enjoying some media when suddenly that media mentions media you once made. This was my second shout-out on the show (one season, John called a guy “Business Casual Kevin Smith”)!
My Girls. A long time ago, one came out of the other - like the chestburster in ALIEN. @JenSchwalbach and I cleaned the little monster up and kept her anyway.
Congratulations, fellow filmmaker! I don’t know you but I know you. Lots of people listen but you *heard*. It’s fun to make the thing but it’s a completely separate art form to sell the thing - and now you’ve done both! Just think of what you’ll be able to do 5 years from now!
I’m gonna see Jeff soon!
Gorgeous! Hey @JeremySimser: your art’s inscribed in the flesh of @jerseywhisperer! I gotta get me a #JayAndSilentBob tattoo before #JayAndSilentBobReboot is all done! Maybe while we’re on the tour...
As a kid, his Dad once showed him a trick he could do with rolling papers. As an adult, @RAWLIFE247 maestro Josh Kesselman continues making magic with paper! Settle in for one of the most fascinating eps of SModcast I’ve ever recorded!
I was 23 when I directed my first music video (for @soulasylum). My daughter Harley, however, was merely 20 when she directed her first music video (for her band The Tenth). And the teenage me is throwing up the horns because Homegirl shot in a cemetery!
HOLLYWOOD! On FRIDAY night at 8, @RalphGarman and I will BABBLE our balls off at the @HollywoodImprov for the last time before I head out on the road with #JayAndSilentBobReboot! Wanna join us? Get your tickets here:
The day I received The Power at @ThePowerCon! Thanks for letting me play with your @MastersOfficial toys, @mattel! Can’t wait to take ‘em over to @netflix’s house!
I love how positive you always are, @mangumanesp! Whenever I open @Twitter or @instagram, I can count on a message from you that not only cheers me on, it cheers me up as well! If you give @JordanMonsanto your address, I’m gonna send you something special, my friend!
I’m flattered, @bensobanjo1982! I’m also reminded that I do *not* have a Jay & Silent Bob tattoo - and after 25 years, and with #JayAndSilentBobReboot coming next month, it might be high time to rectify that...
As a #WWAmbassador, this #Oprahs2020VisionTour is the best chance I’ll ever get to finally meet @Oprah! Hoping the Queen brings me out on stage to talk about my unlikely-but-indispensable @ww_us journey! Tickets on sale next week at #WW #wellnessthatworks
I am Kevin, guy who made Clerks and defender of the secrets of @mattel. Fabulous showrunning powers were revealed to me the day I raised my pen and said “BY THE POWER OF NETFLIX! I HAVE A SERIES!” Many thanks to all the @MastersOfficial folks who built the world we now play in!
CHATTANOOGA and NASHVILLE! The #JayAndSilentBobReboot Roadshow is coming to your towns on November 15th and 19th! Come Tennes-see the new flick with me and @JayMewes in attendance and ask us stuff when it’s all over! Get your tickets at
Just in time for #JayAndSilentBobReboot! Get your brand new Bluntman & Chronic @OriginalFunko Pops at #NYCC19!
Shall. We. Play. A. Game?
These kids. I love them both so much. Match made in Heaven but forged on Krypton (well, really on @TheCWSupergirl). If you’re in a relationship, you could do a lot worse than to model it on the romance of @MelissaBenoist and @ChristophrWood. They’re all fortress and no solitude.
Doing my best “MYAH!” while trying to get Skeletor-strong by hiking Runyon Canyon! @MastersOfficial Update: I’m working on a second draft of Ep 1 now and @thedimishra turned in her Ep 2 script today! By the Power of Grayskull, this @netflix show’s gonna be so metal!
This is pure bullshit. I never did Keto: I went Vegan and then joined @ww_us to lose my weight. That quote doesn’t sound like me either: as I’ve never jogged and the only pills I take are heart-related, I’m pretty sure they made it up. I feel like Homer when he found Mr. Sparkle!
HAPPY LABOR DAY, AMERICA! From the OG Dante to all you Randals out there, always remember: 1) You’re not even supposed to be there today. 2) Your job would be great if it weren’t for the customers. 3) Just because they serve you doesn’t mean they like you.
Rick Derris (the Trainer in “Clerks”) put down the weights and picked up a camera! My boy @OEodonnell7 produced a movie called “Gone for the Weekend” that you can watch on @amazon right now! Watch us hype it: Then watch the flick:
VALLEY GIRLS & BOYS! There is a brand new @VeggieGrill in Toluca Lake, a few blocks from @miltandedies! I went yesterday and both the food and the service were as top notch as they are at the 8000 Sunset location! (But I was not paid to tell you any of this: I’m just a big fan!)
Dogma is personally owned by Bob & Harvey Weinstein, who bought the film from Disney in 1999 and licensed it to Lions Gate (for theatrical) and then Sony (for home video). But those deals pre-dated streaming and have lapsed. Bummer, as 2019 is the 20th anniversary of our release.
Beloved TESD mascot @GitEmSteveDave lost everything in a house fire. So @TellEmSteveDave and @BQQuinn are using their mouths to get him some money! Details how you can help in the Tweet below...
You are a never ending source of positivity and delight who makes my life (and my live shows) better, @BigdaddyJimmyV! Much love from the SModFather!
WOW! Looks like the @jokermovie would still work even if @DCComics didn’t exist (aside from the Joker coming from there). Least comic-book-looking comic book movie ever marketed to a mass audience and I’m here for it! The Joker as both Travis Bickle and Rupert Pupkin is sublime!
HOLLYWOOD! A week from Friday, @RalphGarman and I heckle Tinsel Town while we BABBLE-ON! It’s our last show before I head off to do the #RebootRoadshow in October! So get your tickets now: prov (Awesome Art by @DarkNateReturns!)
Flew Mom out to Vegas, where she insisted on taking a dick pic at the @Palms. She’s 73 years old and still saucy! Further details here:
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