Comedian/Actorian: BoJack Horseman - Threedom - Superego - Instagram: Instagram.com/pftompkins
RT @boring_as_heck: John Podhoretz may have deleted his account, but his final post (asking the official McDonald’s Twitter if they were pl…
RT @mjmimages: At one point, walking to my café, an unseen duck quacked on my every third step. I knew they were unrelated & yet paused for…
RT @threedomusa: It’s true, we’re back on Stitcher April 11th with brand new episodes! But NEVER STOP SENDING THE POSTCARDS https://t.co/…
GOOD NIGHT EVERYONE, I HOPE YOU HAVE A SEX DREAM OR A FLYING DREAM
RT @ira: New therapist: What brings you here? Me:
RT @karenthology: Just so y'all don't ever have to go back there again, the secret to a proper-tasting analogue is brining flattened chicke…
I’m in a committed, loving relationship, this robot ain’t shit https://twitter.com/mashable/status/1108600876116201472
I’m in a committed, living relationship, this robot ain’t shit https://twitter.com/mashable/status/1108600876116201472
Here it is https://twitter.com/revolutionarvie/status/1108596887907516416?s=21
I cannot find a clip but I found a... transcript? And it involved Santa Claus. It speaks volumes about Elijah Wood’s performance of this particular line that I forgot everything else about the sketch.
Just about every time I hear Elijah Wood’s name I picture him from an SNL sketch about the original Queer Eye where he played (I think) the culture guy & he told the straight guy to make eye contact with his partner, then turned to the camera & said sweetly “That’s all I do!”
See? A chair. You don’t have to get on a counter or a table, especially if you’re 6’4”. https://twitter.com/iansams/status/1104102132570046466?s=21
RT @magicmikecastle: What I love about commercials is I can get pissed off just silently fastforwarding through them. They always win, baby…
Why does Trump hate CNN again #BadassWomenDC https://twitter.com/cnn/status/1108504200600784896
RT @soledadobrien: ‘Racially charged’, right? https://twitter.com/washingtonpost/status/1108437384008478720
RT @jeremoss: At #hudsonyards the #giantshawarma (aka #thevessel) is mirrored by a real shawarma. The food vendor agrees, laughing, "Same,…
RT @zandywithaz: For some reason Alex Gibney didn’t include this in The Inventor: Out for Blood in Silicon Valley . Maybe he has a bias aga…
RT @ashleyfeinberg: reminder that, as beto is still trying to figure out what he thinks, warren is ready to fucking go https://t.co/CF4yZ7w…
Interesting policy shift at the end from “Be excellent to each other” to simply “be excellent” Until the Bill & Tediverse is restores its message of kindness & formally condemns this new gospel of “individual exceptionalism” I refuse to eventually watch this movie on a plane https://twitter.com/billandted3/status/1108405344802242560
RT @ryanbeil: it’s one of those perfect storm audition sessions where they r auditioning two wildly different characters at the same time.…
RT @41Strange: Behind-The-Scenes - Rehearsing the Hands Scene from 'Day of the Dead' (1985, George A. Romero)
RT @KrangTNelson: every time I see one of these photos of elizabeth Holmes I imagine her saying “hrmm yup, that’s blood” and then casually…
RT @osutein: This is 100% the bear making fun of how humans walk and look. https://twitter.com/nurulshaz1nimds/status/1107092123600318464
Feel like it’s time for me to give my on-the-record opinion of the Iraq War: 👎🏻
RT @samanthaaaReece: I wanted to take a break from Hinge so I set my filters to “seeking” someone 65-75 years old and 7ft tall who lives at…
Attention all networks and streams: Please cast me and @MrEmilyHeller and @PFTompkins immediately in a comedy about Mar A Lago members. We will write it. I don't know this twitter person but he/she/they gets a producing credit and a follow back. I'm very serious. https://twitter.com/exdli/status/1108362303190106112
RT @LPizzle: That baby saw her father cut his beard and was like
RT @LPizzle: That baby made the "DAMN! DAMN! DAMN!" face https://twitter.com/M0NROWE/status/1107963215668019201
RT @Hooraydiation: I never miss an opportunity to tell people how the costumes from the 1990's Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles Movie let you s…
RT @pattymo: But it’s totally gonna try to make it to your improv thing
RT @ClickHole: The Splendor Of Nature: Man Sets Up Easel By Lake To Paint Goth Fred Flintstone
Well I’m glad to hear that it’s a different angle on the usual wait uh did you just https://twitter.com/jayrosen_nyu/status/1106566972114915333
RT @ashleyfeinberg: beto's influence
RT @ashleyfeinberg: my favorite thing about politics is how, if you want to be seen as Respectable and Serious, all you have to do is prete…
First Q gotta be: Did you stop at WaWa, Sheetz, or Giant Eagle? There is only one correct answer. https://twitter.com/HunterMw/status/1108151217442746368
“Imagine if you could see inside the head of a disturbed person. CHARMING.” https://twitter.com/samu3lk/status/1108129640047095813?s=21
Here’s one: who cares
Now look everybody: not having seen the cartoon, your can understand my panic. But while we’re at it, I didn’t need to see that cartoon either.
I have been informed https://twitter.com/ugarles/status/1108129523600633863?s=21
Yes, now I want to see it very badly https://twitter.com/benmffowler/status/1108127593583312897?s=21
Hearing about the movie “The Human Centipede” and deciding whether or not you would ever watch it is maybe one of the only truly pure “there are two kinds of people in this world” dividers
Why would anyone inflict an image from that movie on innocent people. Everyone knows about it and if anyone hasn’t seen it, THAT’S ON PURPOSE. https://twitter.com/chrislhayes/status/1108096372232896514
Credit where credit is due: Tom Ford never said that, *I* said that except it wasn’t about Melania it was about a rude parrot
I remember watching this in 2006 (?) in Austin after a stand up show. The club manager locked the door & the comics & the staff & some friends watched this twice, the second time with no sound & with @jmerriman dubbing ALL the dialogue on a microphone. We were all hammered. https://twitter.com/nickciarelli/status/1107678085585866752
RT @ucbtla: The Bajillionaires! Come to the standby line tonight at 9:30pm, UCB Franklin https://franklin.ucbtheatre.com/performance/67760 https://twitter.com/PFTompkins/status/1107691357328404480
“A democrat president would reveal the 11 herbs and spices to our enemies.” https://twitter.com/thehill/status/1108008491111849984
Weird that none of them mentioned me even once, but so happy to see so many of my wonderful colleagues in this video. https://twitter.com/stitcher/status/1108036909849165824
A tad late @PFTompkins but I laughed so hard at that grandma kidnap scene in @YTWFXX like enough to post this 2:43 am 😂😂🤣🤣
RT @PFTompkins: Why does no one do a story on me, the guy who leaves boxes of puppies all over the place for people to find https://t.co/xt…
I would think that one of the advantages of being tall is that you could be seen more easily when addressing a crowd. Like, a chair would do it if you really need the boost. https://twitter.com/billcorbett/status/1107763144762552320
 
 
 
 
 
© 2009 creamsocial